My Story. The verdict. Gods Mercy revealed. Part 3

3am Restless. Can't sleep. It's been a long week. I'm 35 1/2 weeks pregnant and this week has not been a normal week for this pregnant mama. Every minute passing is torture. Sheer question. Doubt. Fear... Of the unknown. My life right now was an open book. But the pages were about to turn.. 

February 19, 2016 

8am No ordinary morning. The house is chill. Mood is ominous. I get dressed. Put on makeup to hide the exhaustion and fear in my eyes. Everyone has said this week I've been so strong. So courageous. They don't see me on the inside. Gripped by fear and grasping peace at the same time. Who and what have I become? 

8:15 I get a text from my attorney asking me to meet him early that morning. Running late but I'll be there in 30 minutes. I wish I had known to go there earlier than planned. 

8:45 We arrive at the courthouse. This is no ordinary place. This is the place where my life is in the hands of the world. Until I'm reminded by my mother in law that no child.. Your life is in the arms of the Lord. 

Shuttering with a chill I walk into the courtroom. I've accepted the fact that today is the day. The day my voice will be heard. Today I will Speak! It wasn't until some 5 minutes later that I was informed I would not be testifying that morning. This came as a surprise. Don't they need to hear my side. I need to prove my innocence. What If the jury thinks I'm guilty bc I don't speak. 

So many thoughts fill my head. But this was best decided by my attorney and He was in control of this case. 

The conference room was stuffy. Filled with the smell of coffee. It was me, my attorney, Dr Stogner and Wesley Medical Centers attorney in that room that morning. We continued to talk right until the judge walked in. 

9am.. My mind has shut down.. Everything from these past couple days have completely worn me down emotionally. I sit here. Pregnant. Huge. Expecting two.. Not one precious lives. Why me Lord.? Why? I look across the room.. It's quiet. 

And there they sit.. 12 strangers. 12 people I've never seen before. 12 lives with opinions, hearts, minds and souls. Who are they? Why were they chosen. Yep. They are the chosen few. To sit in on my case.. Their faces blank. I can't see emotion. They listen intently and do not budge. Back n forth we go. 

I dunno the time by now but when Dr Stogner took the stand for me that morning there was a feeling of peace rush over me. This dr who I had worked for years ago, who doesn't remember me, came to speak and testify on my behalf for free. FREE! He didn't charge us some 20k later for a response we wanted to hear. He spoke the truth that morning. He explained facts. He was incredible! I'll be forever thankful for that man sitting in the stand that morning for me. 

1230.. I think. My brain is fried by now.. Closing arguments have come and gone. Such cruel words spoken against me. The attorney generals office and lawyers are fierce and hungry ready to seek and devour like a lion. They are evil demons seeking to destroy me at whatever cost. 3 years we have waited for this week to come. They have nothing but words. Words spoken against me. Nothing concrete. Nothing hardcore. Nothing in stone. Just words. But these words have forever changed my life. 

After closing arguments we broke for lunch and then after that the jury would be presented with some rules.. Rules of making a decision. A decision that they were to agree upon. I force myself to eat bc I feel sick. My blood sugar had dropped and between that and my nerves I felt weak. I must take care of these babies I kept telling myself. Praying every second of the way. I finally broke down.. I was alone. Room felt dark. The crazy thoughts invoked my mind. What if I'm guilty? What if I'm guilty? Lord what if they find me guilty? My mother in law and husband found me trembling in the conference room. They gripped me and held on tight. I cried and cried hard. The what ifs just clouded my mind that very moment. What if???? Mercy Jesus I plead for your grace right now. 

Back in the courtroom my heart is racing. Fear. Doubt. Worry. I'm stricken by them all. Can I just run away? I need to breathe by this point. Rules were given to the jury. Final thoughts given by the judge. I'm not quite sure what else went on those few hours to come. All I know is that at 3pm 12 strangers went into a private room to talk about me. 

The most heart wrenching, grueling few hours. I visited with my family and friends that had come to support me. Wanna find out who your true friends are? Wanna find out who has your back in times of trouble? Be accused of a crime. Be accused of MURDER! Because people will RUN!!!! They are scared of sufferings, hard times. The people you think will be there for you are the ones that are the most distant to non existent. But that's a whole other topic. 

I tried to hold it together. Every second. Every minute was one minute closer to the Verdict. The answer. The words that would either make or break the rest of my life. 

And then.. The knock.. They are DONE. Omg! It's 5pm. Chills rolling down my spine! I glare at my husband! I cling to my chair. This is it. Lord please I beg you. 

The judge had the jury lasy speak and say they had unanimously came to a decision. Could this be good? Could it be bad? I just have no idea. But here it comes. 

The circuit clerk Martin took the paper. This guy I played with as a child on the playground. I grew up with him and now my life was literally in his hands. Literally there are either one or two words on that piece of paper. My heart is racing. I can't think straight. I may pass out. I pray continuously.. 

He read "Not Guilty". I gasped in relief. Hands in my face I cried. I sat there in a daze. I could here my family and people in the room crying with joy but I could not move. Those two words.. That's it? Just those words is all we came here for? I'm free. Lord I'm free! I stand up and give my attorney the biggest hug of thank you! I can't believe it's over. 3 years of hell and torment over my head was finally over. NOT GUILTY! I played it over and over in my mind. God you have shown up and shown out! Thank you Lord for loving me. Your plan is the master plan and I'm sorry for not trusting you more. So many thoughts running through my mind. 

Of course the media is here. The local paper interviewed my attorney while I hugged my family and friends. When out of no where the patients sister came over to me and apologized for everything. She insisted on telling me she never thought I did anything wrong to her brother. She hugged me and said it was just a bad deck of cards I was dealt and the AG were just doing their job. She apologized a few more times and told me how much she appreciated all I did to help try to save her brothers life. I told her how much that meant coming from her after all this time. I stand amazed. 

Then 10 minutes later from that very moment.. It's like nothing had ever happened.. Here we were headed to pick up our son from my nanas and head home. For the first time in 3 years I could go home in peace. It was a weird feeling I'm not gonna lie. Took 4-5 days to quit having nightmares and restless nights but I finally was able to get some sleep. 

Our phones lit up with calls and texts.. Not guilty I wrote. Over and over. Apparently it's hit the media I told my hubby because everyone knows already. That's ok I said bc Justice prevailed today and Gods mercy filled that courtroom! Here's to freedom. You never know how much to appreciate your freedom until it's threatened to be taken away. Live each day as if it's your last. Let my life light up your hard times. 

For we Serve a mighty Savior and for that He Lives! 

NOT GUILTY. Still so surreal! I thank the Lord everyday for my life he's given me back! Don't look back on yesterday. Push through to tomorrow! Love in the present!

This picture is hard to look at but they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

 

 

 

 

My Story. Picking up the pieces.

I sit here this morning reflecting.. 3 years ago I lost my hope, my happiness and was robbed of my joy. I felt alone and abandoned. BUT I never gave up! Never stopped praying! Never stopped holding onto the hope I had left! I fell into a deep dark depression. I lost myself. I lost the joy of what interested me. I questioned my life, my purpose. I questioned my circumstances. Why me I begged God? What have I done so bad to endure so many tragedies and losses in my life. I felt like Job from the bible in so many ways. Robbed of so much! Lost everything I had worked so hard to achieve. In one blink of an eye! Two people.. Fellow coworkers would forever change my life. 3 years of sleepless nights. Begging God for mercy. Feeling like a failure as a wife and mother. I lost who I was. Everyone around me thought I was so strong! They saw me muster up energy to smile. They saw my positive post on social media. No one saw behind the walls. Only a select few people know how I really was. They stuck by my side. They loved me in my darkness. 

July 15th I found out I was pregnant again. We were excited, nervous and a ball of emotions. I felt in my heart this was Gods way of giving me peace and taking me by the hand saying "child you are mine and I will protect you". A few weeks later we found out we were having TWINS! It was that day I knew God was going to take care of me. He was going to keep his promises. 

I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in miracles And Gods plAns. So here you go. My due date for a normal pregnancy was March 19 2016. But this was a twin pregnancy. Most women deliver early around 35-36 weeks. This would put me delivering early around the second week of February. I say this all to explain this. My trial date was scheduled for February 16th. I would be 35 weeks pregnant that week of court. My dr just knew the stress of everything I was going through would lead to complications. The week of my trial I was living a healthy not complicated pregnancy. The middle of the week at my dr appt I was not dilated and having mild contractions. I was handling it better than anyone imagined. 

FEBRUARY 19th. After 4 days of intense stress at 5:05 pm a NOT GUILTY verdict was given to ME! Gods child. He had protected me. He carried me. He held me up. My life was free. Freedom was given back to me. Just two words again forever changed my life. Two words that I'll never forget! Engraved in my heart and mind. It was like a dream. But it was real! I rejoiced and held my belly praising Jesus. 

3 weeks later at 38 weeks and 3 days. I was full term with my twin girls. Stop no complications. A healthy pregnancy. Delivered my miracle babies healthy on March 7th. 

I say this all to just get it out of my head and process it all but to show you how God showed his grace. My pregnancy was no accident. A TWIN pregnancy was no accident! The timing of it and my trial was no ACCIDENT! For 3 years of restless nights and an unsure future I can finally Sleep again! My JOY has been restored! DEPRESSION has been lifted! Peace has been renewed! I'm happy again! I enjoy life! Things are not chaotic. Life has been renewed! Gods grace has taught me that through all of our trials, our losses, our sufferings that he is FAITHFUL! He never leaves our side! He has the master plan! He has the blue prints of our lives! We must choose to believe and have faith! NO ONE can rob you of that!! 

This is only a mere part of my story and I hope it draws you closer to God. It's just a mere reflection of being broken then put back together again! For that I'm forever thankful!

Delayed post but RESULTS are in!

So the end of the cleanse came for me this past Saturday but I ended it on the beach with my family! I did my measurements but had no scale of course! The whole point of doing this 10 day cleanse was to re establish better eating habits and to detox my body from any sugar and processed foods I had been eating. It's just a good jumpstart for your digestive system and you feel amazing with energy! 

My main focus was on eating 5-6 smaller meals during the day and not so much snacking! The new fiber drink is awesome bc you can mix it with spark and it has no flavor or texture! Just don't leave it sitting bc fiber gets thick and expands like it does in your belly! That's why it's very filling. 

I worked out 4-5 days a week while doing this cleanse and focused more on strength training instead of cardio. Muscles burn more fat longer term than cardio. 👊🏻👊🏻

So here are my results! 4 POUNDS OF fat LOST! I lost an inch off my waist, my chest and my hips! I gained an inch of muscle in my biceps and quad muscles. 

Super excited with these results! The numbers don't have to move drastically for you to see huge results! Trust in the process and learn to be more in tune with your body. Strive for progress not perfection! 

Order your 24 day challenge or 10 day cleanse today if you want personalized coaching and accountability! Never too late to start your journey to health! 

24daychallengemovie.com explains the challenge in a 5 min clip!

Check out my page to order yours today! 

www.advocare.com/13076223 

Herbal cleanse days 3-5!!! Boom!

It's been go go go all weekend but it's been a good one. Still going strong on my cleanse! Keeping a positive attitude and just fired up about life in general! 

Key benefits of doing this Advocare Herbal cleanse: this is my own personal experience and nothing but personal based on what I've learned and heard. 

-increases your energy levels 

-increases your metabolism 

-detoxes your body of all the waste that builds up over time and leads to being fatigued and sluggish 

- the fiber helps to pull all that gunk out of your digestive tract 

- the probiotic helps restore the good bacteria your gut needs to digest food properly 

- the cleanse tablets help to regulate your bowel movements and get things flowing gently and uneventful :) 

Even though on the go I've had shakes for breakfast because they are absolutely delicious! 

I got a little over excited and jumped on the scale and I'm down 3 pounds already! I know it's several inches too just waiting for day 11 to measure! Don't focus on a number though focus on how you feel and how your clothes fit! 

Lunch has been pretty much leftovers! Chicken chili on Friday! Yesterday I was with a large group and we had Mexican. I ordered the chicken fajitas with no cheese, sour cream or tortillas! They were delicious! Little too much oil but best option I had to eat! 

Today lunch was baked chicken, green beans and a few sautéed red potatoes and onions. 

For dinner I had a grilled chicken salad with strawberrys! From Wendy's it's healthy and amazing! 

Like I said I've been on the go but meal planning and prep are the key to success! Tomorrow I will make a menu for the week and plan for that week! You can be busy but if you plan a few meals it will decrease the stress in your life even more! 

My timehop to my friend yesterday! 2 years ago and still going strong! It's a way of living and life! It's not a fad diet it's just saying to the world that you can get back control of your life and that your family needs you healthy!! What have you got to lose?! 

Accepting the past and moving forward.

So glad to serve a gracious and merciful Heavenly Father. He forgives me for my faults and loves on me daily. I'm learning to truly love and trust him deeper than ever. It's really true what they say about your relationship with your dad growing up can affect how you love and accept your Father in heaven. Not having much of a dad growing up at all it's been hard to look to God as my father but each day I learn and accept more of him to guide and lead me. I pray that he softens my heart and helps me learn to love him more as my father, my dad and most of all my father in Heaven. We have to look past our past sometimes because it can hinder our relationship with the Lord. But if we accept our past we can move on by his grace and mercy and his abounding love with fall on our lives. ❤️ #faith #father #God #trust #mercy #grace #love #Friday #freedom #powerful #thoughts

My journey with the Advocare Herbal cleanse.

I admit I've been in a huge funk over the past month and boy am I glad that's over! God is so good and faithful it's like one day I snapped back into! So much to share that has gone on but right now I'm just focusing on being healthy and getting my body back feeling good. God wants us to love ourselves and take care of us because if we don't take care of ourselves we are no good to our family, husband, friends or work! We are just ruined if we let our diet go down the drain and stop moving intentionally. You will hear that word a lot! Intentional! What are you intentional about?? 

Today I am sharing with you my experience of the Advocare Herbal cleanse and what it's like to be intentional. No this is not my first cleanse I have been doing Advocare for 2 years now but this is my first time into a look in my life and sharing my passion and love. I want you to have an in look into what it takes to commit to doing this cleanse or the 24 day challenge. 

First thing is food prep is key because if you fail to plan you plan to fail and it's true! I grill chicken breasts, boil eggs, make protein balls, cool crockpot chicken to use for meals during the week and have lots of frozen and canned veggies to use for recipes! This cleanse I've been on a tighter budget with groceries so I'm learning to be more wise planning my menu for the week. No eating out! It's not an option! So prepare food! Protein in bulk and have lots of snacks for small meals. Think 5 small meals per day instead of snacks! It's what I have to train myself to do! 

Here's a picture of what I'll be doing the next few days! 

So heres what my day looked like! 

First thing I did before the gym at 5am is weighed and measured! Then to the gym for a sweat session with weight training. I'm focusing more on weights right now than cardio. I'm aiming at lower impact workouts until I can get my energy levels back up and this body feeling better. Dr orders! 

Came home and mixed my mango strawberry spark and unflavored  fiber drink and chugged it down! Followed by 2 probiotics which are good bacteria for your digestive system and 2 omega plex which are good fats to flush out the bad fats! Omegas are good for every system in your body! They help your skin, nails get stronger and hair gets healthier and longer. This was around 7am! 

Around 30 minutes later I mixed my shake and FELL IN LOVE! I am drinking the new lemon ice cake shake and it's DELICIOUS! I don't chug it so I can savor every gulp! :) These shakes have 24 grams of carbs and 24 grams of protein in them so they are balanced to keep you fuel and rev up your metabolism! They taste sooooo good! I'm just not a breakfast person so shakes are great for

Me! 

So that was my morning routine! 

I cleaned a house that morning and had a quest protein bar for a snack around 1030! This is a minimally processed delicious way to get my protein in while on the go! 

Around 1pm I got home and had lunch. I ate a chicken breast, boiled egg and hummus! It was yummy! 

Followed by my 2nd liter of water and 2 more omegas! Fueled and ready to go! Having another house to clean I drank another scoop of spark and went on my way! Energy for hours! Feeling really good! 

Around 3pm I ate a handful of almonds and drank more water! Be intentional! Eat every few hours and drink lots of water! 

For dinner we ate before church at 530 and I had left over turkey spaghetti with whole wheat pasta. Not much pasta more meat sauce than anything and it's better to use spaghetti squash or zuchinni noodles as other options! I had a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and 2 more omegaplex! 

Finishing up my 3rd liter of water I was actually hungry before bed so I grabbed a protein ball and a banana and enjoyed those! 

Today was a good day! I'm still logging my food on my fitness pal but Advocare has a great 24 day challenge app to guide you along your day! 

Saw this quote and loved it! Why not you? Why not me? Why not learn to love yourself and learn to love life?? Here's to a healthier future with consistency around all the borders! I'm going to try to write about each day if not every other day! But today is Day 2 and I'm feeling more motivated than ever! Let's do this! 👊🏻👊🏻 How can you be more intentional today?! 

Humble me Lord. Rescue me.

It's been a few weeks since my last post and that post wasn't most uplifting. I was at my breaking point emotionally and physically and that's where I have been the past few weeks... Broken, tired and exhausted. I'm so ashamed for how I have felt, so down and depressed, not able to enjoy the things good in this life and focused so much on everything that's gone wrong that it's clouded my view of Gods blessings. But we are human and his grace is abounding. Though I may feel weak it's by his Grace that gets me out of bed. He makes me strong so that I can do the daily events to be done. 

As I clean each week I have found myself knee deep In Idolatry.. I never really understood what this meant until now.. I clean all these big houses and long for what they have.. I long for the nice houses, big bathrooms and vacations that are being taken. Some days so consumed by my desires that it puts my mind in such a dark place. I start to question God if I am even worth anything.. I mean I'm 30 years old and we struggle from week to week to make ends meet. Some days I wish I could just vanish bc the pain of life is just too much to bear.. I dwell on the past.. I've asked for forgiveness for my past sins but Satan just keeps throwing them in my face and torments me and my thoughts.. I pray daily for a victory! I pray continuously.. But I find myself doubting.. Wondering if I am worthy of the Lords forgiveness.. 

Oh what a mess I am. A selfish mess. I look around me being so caught up in me me me and forget about others around me. God has not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7

I know this post is just a hot mess but it's just a direct reflection of what happens when we let Satan win and control our thoughts and when we give in to negative thoughts and selfishness. But today is a glorious day! Today I've got a victory all thanks to my friend sharing Psalm 25 with me.. She asked me how I was doing and I was just honest last night.. No I'm not fine.. I'm in a dark place and fighting some serious battles. A spiritual battle.. So I share with you this scripture in hopes that you find victory in Jesus and find hope amidst your circumstances. 

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles! (Psalm 25:1-22 NIV)

My prayer today. Father I thank you for the blessings you have placed in my life. The blessings I cannot always see and those that I take for granted. Lord I pray that you will help me recognize your presence in my life and gain wisdom from your word. Lord I turn to you and seek only You today. Forgive me of my faults and failures. Help me to see beyond the past and have hope in the future. I pray that you will protect my family and help me be a shining light to those in darkness. Thank you for all you have done in my heart and all that you are going to do in Jesus name Amen!