I sit here this morning reflecting.. 3 years ago I lost my hope, my happiness and was robbed of my joy. I felt alone and abandoned. BUT I never gave up! Never stopped praying! Never stopped holding onto the hope I had left! I fell into a deep dark depression. I lost myself. I lost the joy of what interested me. I questioned my life, my purpose. I questioned my circumstances. Why me I begged God? What have I done so bad to endure so many tragedies and losses in my life. I felt like Job from the bible in so many ways. Robbed of so much! Lost everything I had worked so hard to achieve. In one blink of an eye! Two people.. Fellow coworkers would forever change my life. 3 years of sleepless nights. Begging God for mercy. Feeling like a failure as a wife and mother. I lost who I was. Everyone around me thought I was so strong! They saw me muster up energy to smile. They saw my positive post on social media. No one saw behind the walls. Only a select few people know how I really was. They stuck by my side. They loved me in my darkness.
July 15th I found out I was pregnant again. We were excited, nervous and a ball of emotions. I felt in my heart this was Gods way of giving me peace and taking me by the hand saying "child you are mine and I will protect you". A few weeks later we found out we were having TWINS! It was that day I knew God was going to take care of me. He was going to keep his promises.
I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in miracles And Gods plAns. So here you go. My due date for a normal pregnancy was March 19 2016. But this was a twin pregnancy. Most women deliver early around 35-36 weeks. This would put me delivering early around the second week of February. I say this all to explain this. My trial date was scheduled for February 16th. I would be 35 weeks pregnant that week of court. My dr just knew the stress of everything I was going through would lead to complications. The week of my trial I was living a healthy not complicated pregnancy. The middle of the week at my dr appt I was not dilated and having mild contractions. I was handling it better than anyone imagined.
FEBRUARY 19th. After 4 days of intense stress at 5:05 pm a NOT GUILTY verdict was given to ME! Gods child. He had protected me. He carried me. He held me up. My life was free. Freedom was given back to me. Just two words again forever changed my life. Two words that I'll never forget! Engraved in my heart and mind. It was like a dream. But it was real! I rejoiced and held my belly praising Jesus.
3 weeks later at 38 weeks and 3 days. I was full term with my twin girls. Stop no complications. A healthy pregnancy. Delivered my miracle babies healthy on March 7th.
I say this all to just get it out of my head and process it all but to show you how God showed his grace. My pregnancy was no accident. A TWIN pregnancy was no accident! The timing of it and my trial was no ACCIDENT! For 3 years of restless nights and an unsure future I can finally Sleep again! My JOY has been restored! DEPRESSION has been lifted! Peace has been renewed! I'm happy again! I enjoy life! Things are not chaotic. Life has been renewed! Gods grace has taught me that through all of our trials, our losses, our sufferings that he is FAITHFUL! He never leaves our side! He has the master plan! He has the blue prints of our lives! We must choose to believe and have faith! NO ONE can rob you of that!!
This is only a mere part of my story and I hope it draws you closer to God. It's just a mere reflection of being broken then put back together again! For that I'm forever thankful!
