Beauty from ashes

I sit here in the stillness of the early morning. I sit here reflecting and praising my Lord. My what a year it has been and it's almost coming to an end. I am filled with such a thankful heart and a soul of gratitude. Something tugging at my heartstrings to just write again. In the midst of life's chaos, changing diapers and chasing a 4 year old I don't get much time to collect my thoughts enough to write these days. But I do EVERY SINGLE MORNING wake up to study His word and have quiet time before anyone in my house wakes up. It may be 3,4 or 5am but I arise to have my heart and mind strengthened for the day. 

Some days get so chaotic that it's like I've forgotten about that time I woke up to. I'll get I'll tempered, frustrated and find myself filled and consumed with the worry and doubts of life. But it's in the stillness of mornings like this that I can find my center and refill my soul with His  word. So back to reflection....

I don't even know where to start. This time last Christmas I was big as a house carrying two babies that were to me, Gods Promises. At the time I lived in a world filled with uncertainty of their future. Would they be born to a life of freedom? Would their mom be part of their life? Would they be born into a world of chaos? Life was like living on the edge. It was a rollercoaster of a ride. If you aren't familiar with my story look back on my blog and read The verdict. 

A new year began in 2016 full of faith and hope. These were two things in my life that were secure and unwavering. No one could take these away from me. The devil certainly tried but I stood firm with my feet planted on the ground. I was surrounded in life by people that loved me. People that prayed over me, fought for me and had hope in things not seen. They kept me grounded. My family and friends, well the friends that I had gained over the past 2 years, stood by my side in some of the darkest days yet to come. 

February 16 crept up on me like a snail in the dirt. My living nightmare was coming to face me like a giant. 35 weeks pregnant with twins I walked into a courtroom facing the fears that struck me like lightening during a rain storm. 3 days of witnesses, evidence, or lack of is say, and motions that were just foreign to me, passed by with a blur. Media blasted me in the local newspaper. I faced each day listening to I trust in You by lauren Daigle. It gave me strength to face my giants. 

February 19th came, the day of judgement. I came in that morning and just glared at the jury, fear struck me and my body went numb. Contractions were a lot more frequent this morning but according to the day before, my dr appt went smooth and I had not progressed one centimeter. I came prepared that morning to speak and give my testimony, but God had other plans. He had placed it on my attorneys heart apparently to take a different approach. I would no longer be speaking. Filled with relief and anguish at the same time I sighed a release of breath. The morning was long. So very long. After lunch came closing statements and by 3pm the jury would return to their room to decide the fate of my case. However I knew that this battle was already fought. Because the Lord promised to go before me. 

5pm came. There was a knock. The answer was here. As I type this right now my body still shakes and trembles as I remember my emotions that very moment. Everything went quiet. The verdict had been handed to the judge. I couldn't tell by his expression. My heart was racing. I held on to my belly, praying, trembling with fear. Here it goes. The clerk Martin had it in his hands and as he read NOT GUILTY. I could hear the sighs and cries from afar. I buried my face in my hands. Tears flowed down my face. It's over. It's really over Lord. Two words changed my life forever. I gave my attorney the biggest hug of thank you and proceeded to find my family and was greeted with tears and hugs. Friends and family filled the courtroom that day and I'll never forget the love and support that week. 

Of course I was found to be the on the front page of the paper that weekend. But this time I rejoiced and my heart praised Him. My father in law told me this was his most favorite picture of me. I couldn't look at it long bc emotions raged within. I was still in awe and shock of it all. I couldn't sleep for a few nights but finally got rest a few nights later. A night of sleep to recover what the past 3 years had taken away from me. 

This friends is Mercy. This was a second chance to live a life not taken for granted. This was a new beginning. I would never be the same person again. I was redeemed and forever grateful. 

As I continue to reflect.... The blessings just poured in. 

We welcomed our baby girls Kennedy MAE and Kailyn Ruth March 7, 2016. Healthy baby, healthy mama. They were perfect. They were my gifts from the Lord. His promises fulfilled. My life would never be the same. They immediately brough such joy to our lives. 

It's rumored that God won't place more on you than you can handle. However this is a false statement. Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and SATAN tempted Him 3 times. But Jesus stood firm on the Word of God. Life will throw us curveballs. Life will be unbearable and you WILL be given more than you can handle or bear. It's at that moment in weakness that He makes you strong. On days when you feel you can't go on He picks you up and carries you. He carried me for 3 years. Not a day went by that I got up and walked alone. He too, will carry you my friend. All we have to do is Ask! On to more reflecting... 

In May a dear friend of mine asked me about my nursing license and if I planned on returning to work. I laughed at the thought and didn't think one second of working with so much on my plate. Parenting twins is no joke! But something in the back of my mind had me start the process of reinstating my license. I figured it would be an easy process but boy was I wrong. After phone calls, emails and letters from my attorney, the board of nursing finally responded. It was some months later we received the date of October 11th for a hearing regarding my license. I was advised I didn't have to be present for that day. It was gonna be Another few months of waiting. 

After having the girls in March I went into a state of hypomania. You see I'm a manic depressant and no I'm not ashamed. Mental illness has a history in my family. My mom and brother both suffered from this disorder. However they don't and didn't have the self awareness that I've got. I choose to get help and treatment. For 3 months I stayed busy and active and nonstop from teaching spin, cleaning houses and caring for my family. But something changed. Boy did it change. July came and towards the end of the month a huge cloud of darkness plagued me. I wasn't quite sure what was going on. I had dealt with depression before but this was different. This went on for weeks and only got worse. I wouldn't shower for days or wash my hair. I had no strength for the gym and quit going altogether for the month of august. I completely shut down. I didn't want to take care of my family nor the girls. I wanted to just crawl into a hole and sleep. But I couldn't do that. So much now is a blur bc I wasn't in my right state of mind. September came and the darkness was too much to bear. Everyone around me was worried. I didn't know how much longer I could go on like this. I tried numbing the pain but it just came back stronger. I sought treatment September 15th for a couple of days to gain my life back. The longest few days ever. But God had already worked out the details. He was with me and my family that week. He stirred in my heart. I never quit praying and having my quiet time during those dark times. 

Bipolar depression and post partum depression are no joke. Combined led to a hot mess. I felt so ashamed bc here I was free from chains and blessed with beautiful babies yet I couldn't shake this darkness. So many people suffer in silence. Ashamed to get help or reach out to someone they trust. I knew that if I didn't get help that I'd become another statistic and I knew in my heart that was not Gods plan. I was battling a physical and emotional and spiritual battle. I turned to Ephesians 6 many days in order to fight this battle. Many days of healing would take place before I'd regain myself again. 

I started walking soon after and found it to be the best medicine. It made me feel alive again and gave me energy. I finally returned to the gym at the end of September. It was a gradual process. I was still battling my inner demons of self image and losing this baby weight. But the first step to health is becoming more active. Surrounding yourself with upbeat positive people is the second step. Back to reflecting... 

October 11th finally came. I heard nothing. The following day.. nothing. 

Thursday morning October 13th I received an email from my attorney. The board of nursing had granted my request for reinstatement!  Praise the Lord!!! I was filled with excitement! That night I began looking at jobs just for the fun of it. No plan in sight. So I began the process online to get my license back. During my legal situation it had been temporarily suspended pending the verdict. They granted my license back with no restrictions nor discipline. This was such a blessing and another answered prayers. My patience had grown stronger and stronger. 

Finally after weeks of waiting in November the Tuesday before thanksgiving I Checked the website one more time. To my surprise there it was. The word "ACTIVE" registered nurse. Oh to see those words. I stood amazed and in awe at Gods timing. 

A few weeks back I had applied and sent in my resume into a company called Forward Health Solutions. Remember my friend back in May that had asked about me going back to work and what was going on with my license?? Well She's the reason I even had the back thought of what if. For the past 6 months or so they had been interviewing people for a part time position but had yet to fill this position. She had suggested to me to send in my resume and the following Monday I received a phone call. Followed by an interview I soon accepted the job offer. This was all Gods timing. They accepted me for who I was and my past didn't affect what the Lord had planned. He had led me to this place and was working out the details. Thank you Deanna for remaking faithful and persistent in nudging me in the right direction. Had you never mentioned nursing as an option back in May I'd never have initiated the process to regain my career. I'm so thankful for you and these new beginnings! 

I've sat here for the past two hours writing to you and rambling. I've reflected on some of life's biggest moments for me this year. Looking back everything has been like a puzzle and all the pieces fit where they belong. I may not be exactly where I want to be but I'm definitely not where I use to be. God has me exactly where he wants me to be though and I'm trusting Him as he paves the way. 

Hard times will come. We will experience loss, pain, rejection, struggles and doubt. We live in a dark world. But everyday we wake up we have a choice to be the light. Be the light that shines in someone's life. Share life's ups and downs with those you love and trust. Don't keep things bottled up inside. If you are struggling with your own battle of depression, seek help. And do it asap! God gave us wisdom and resources so we need to take advantage of those in times of need. You don't have to wallow in the darkness. You are made for so much more. I'm made for so much more than I give myself credit for. 

I don't write this story for sympathy! I write it to share my testimony that God is on your side. Even when he feels the most distant he's there. He's real. My life is proof there is a living and breathing Lord! A Savior! 

The older I get the wiser I become. The more Christmas really means to me. Sunday we celebrate Jesus's birth. God sent his only Son to save us from a world full of sin and darkness. How wonderful is that. All of the pain, hurt and defeat in my life has been washed away because my Savior was born. He bore all my sins and suffered for you and me. He is the only true medicine. He cleanses us and renews us. You can't truly experience life until your heart knows Him personally. I'm so thankful that I know Him and that he's been by my side this year, my whole life. 

I pray that God uses me and my story for His honor and glory. I pray that he encourages you through whatever storm you are going through. I pray that He renews your mind and strengthens your heart. 

Here's to a new year. 2017 I'm ready for you! I welcome you with open arms and excitement of what's to come. Mold me and make me into the person you created me to be. 

He's turned my story into beauty from ashes. 

God bless and Merry Christmas! 🎄 

My Story. A renewed spirit after being broken. I'm free!

Hello to you all. It's been several months since we have spoken. The girls are napping this Sunday morning so it's time to share. So much has gone on I really don't know quite where to start. So I'll give you a brief summary of events following My last post back in June. See I'm a manic depressant and I tend to write more when I'm on a high of life. My mind runs so quickly that the only way to settle my thoughts is to write them out. That was my state of mind after having my twins back in March this year. I came home roaring and ready to go. Counting the days until I was able to go outside and back to the gym to start my journey back to a healthier mama. This was only the beginning of a blur of a few months. 

It was around July the girls were around 4 months that I noticed my energy declining and mood shifting. See after every hypomanic episode comes a season of darkness. But the lows usually only lasted no more than a month and I was beginning to prepare myself for the next few weeks. Dr visits, counseling sessions and adjustments with my medications. A month came and went, my activity level started to drop, my obligations started to fade away and my life perception was altered. Something wasn't right. I was not ok. 

August came and I was struggling. The twins were 5 months and were growing so fast. Days and nights were a blur and my days were just running together. I couldn't keep up. I was tired. From cleaning houses, working out, teaching spin classes and maintaining a family I was stretched to my limit. How did I get this way? Well back during my hypomanic episode after the girls were 2 months I took on a tad too many responsibilities. But I had energy for days and major focus! However that time had came and gone. I now found myself in the pit of depression, exhausted and aching from head to toe. But this was no regular depression. I was irritable, my patience wore thin with my kids, I was having several occasions of irrational thoughts, I found myself telling God I couldn't be the mom He wanted me to be, I felt like a failure and just quite frankly was ready to throw in the bucket. 

 

No one tells you about this part of life. No one tells you it can hit you at anytime, any second or any day. See they wanna keep things covered up so that what you see on social media is how things "really are." But I'm here to tell you life is real. This is real. It is real. What is it?? 

Postpartum depression. It hit me like a massive sack of bricks around 5 months. I guess for a long time I was in denial. I just figured I was going through a low with my illness. It wasn't until a few articles and my husband suggesting it that I came to realize what I was dealing with was not my normal. Nothing was helping, nothing was getting better. I was a month and a half in and in the darkest place of my life. I felt like I was outside my body just going through the motions. Inside me was like fighting a demon. Seriously this may sound crazy coo coo but I was in a battle. A spiritual battle within my body, heart and mind. I didn't want to take care of myself, much less care for my 4 year old, 6 month old twins or my husband. What I did do took all the energy and willpower I had. Pale skin, dark eyes and a weeping spirit I knew that I could not function like this much longer. I couldn't bare to live in this state. Some days I just couldn't even deal. Iwas coping in ways that were outta control. My life was falling apart and I couldn't pick up the pieces. Everyone around me was suffering. My poor babies needed their mama and she wasn't there, not the way she needed to be. Something needed to change. I was in a bad place. 

So I got help. The hardest thing to do in life is admitting our weaknesses and asking for help. But I didn't ask for help, I begged for it. I cried out to my God to save me from this pit. 4 days away from the ones I love was the hardest time of my life. Feeling like a failure I continued going through the motions. But God knew what he was doing. He was still in control through all of this. The first day of my stay my nurse looked familiar. Come to find out we had worked together when I was fresh out of nursing school. First time I felt Gods presence in weeks. Second thing that happened and still gives me chills is this: I walked up to the nursing station to talk to my nurse. She told me "that I reminded her so much of a friend she went to high school with." I kinda shrugged it off but she said it a second time so I went on to ask " Well who's your friend? Where did you go to high school?" She then proceeded to tell me the name Sandra Dixon ajnd Oak Grove High school. My eyes fixed on her and my heart skipped a beat. "That's my mama." (Whom passed away some 16 years ago) Wow. God had sent me my own angel to care for me those two days. I'll never forget it. See he knows our days and has them planned ahead of time. He knew where I'd be that day and time and ordained a God given meeting. Soon afterwards my spirit began to lift. It was definitely an experience those 4 days. I'll never forget them. I came home ready to take on the world again. Healing one day at a time. New perspective. Well that lasted 24 hours. Friday morning I woke up feeling down again and would continue feeling that way until a week or so later. 

 

With continued, hard prayer and a good nights rest I finally woke up one morning feeling refreshed. I went for a walk one Thursday afternoon and that my friend has been 5 weeks ago. That walk changed my life. It was nothing special but it was breathing fresh hair and the Holy Spirit renewing my soul. 

It's been a day by day kind of healing but it's healing. Healing from pit of darkness, healing from the post partum depression and healing from fighting that inner demon within me. I'm so thankful I didn't give up and most importantly that He didn't give up on me. For the past 3 years I had endured pain and heartache with periods of depression but had NEVER experienced anything like this before. I guess time finally caught up with me. My finely trimmed and groomed outside appearance of life had finally became transparent. Satan beat me and beat me but never defeated me. He knew something BIG was around the corner and didn't want me around to be part of it. 

 

Two weeks ago after a month of attempting contact the nursing board met regarding my license. They would determine if it would be reinstated or not. A HUGE day! If you don't know he other part of my story check out Part 3 below. They met on a Tuesday. My attorney and I emailed back and forth regarding it but no word until Thursday morning. I had just dropped off my son at preschool and was headed home. I checked my email while waiting at a redlight and when I read it I bout rear ended the truck in from of me. It went on to tell me that they had decided to reinstate my license and that my file would have nothing negative on it and no restrictions on my license. I started balling my eyes out. Wow! This is it! This is the last part of this chapter of my life! All that I've been through was for this VERY MOMENT! God spoke peace into my heart that second and said "Be still and know that I am God." I been still Lord for far too long and what a blessing to be shown grace and mercy. I gave him all the honor and praise. That day I declared victory over my life. Another burden removed from life. Here I was a sinner saved by Grace living His testimony of faith right then. 

This picture shows it all. It's the last piece of this miserable puzzle of the past 3 years of my life! I can finally breathe and rest at night fully! 

People say God won't give you more than you can handle but that's not accurate. God will allow way more than you can handle or bear. During that time is when He is molding and creating you into the person that He wants you to be! Through trials, loss, struggles, and defeats He is always there. When you feel he is gone He is there. When you are at the end of your road He meets you there. When you can't get out of bed in the mornings He lifts the sheets and pulls your legs out from under the covers!! God is there! He's is REAL YALL! He is faithful when we remain faithful! 

During those hard couple of months postpartum I encountered I stayed steadfast in my bible. I read it daily. I studied it. I wrote out my prayers. The enemie never ceased! The days my prayers were stronger he fought harder. The days I couldn't bare to hang on he kept stepping on my fingers. But I continued to pray and plead the name of Jesus over my life and my family! I may have felt like giving up but I never not ONCE gave up! Just like the story of Job who lost everything God remained faithful! I was reminded of this scripture soon after I posted my freedom on Facebook. It's a beautiful scripture of God remaining faithful. 

“The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys.

After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭42:12, 16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Whomever is reading this, wherever you are in your life. GOD IS FAITHFUL! He sent his Son to die on the cross to save us from a world of sin and sorrow. His blood shed that day covered all the heartache and pain we would feel! The day He arose is a reminder that GOD IS FAITHFUL! Remain faithful my friend. Remain faithful! 

; This story isn't over yet! It's just beginning! 

I am Redeemed 

By Big Daddy Weave 

Seems like all I could see was the struggle

Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past

Bound up in shackles of all my failures

Wondering how long is this gonna last

Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son

Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy

Named by the voice of my shame and regret

But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"

I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me

'Cause his day is long dead and gone

Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same

And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be

Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be

Jesus, I'm not who I used to be

'Cause I am redeemed

Thank God, redeemed

 

Let Freedom Ring!!

Today is the day we celebrate freedom for our country. We celebrate and remember those that gave their life for our freedom. Today I celebrate with you but In a whole new way. I celebrate with you the freedom of life. The freedom of circumstances. What does the term freedom really mean? We can throw the word around all day today but let's look at the definition...

Freedom as Google defines-

free·dom

ˈfrēdəm/

noun

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

   "we do have some freedom of choice"

   • absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.

     "he was a champion of Irish freedom"

     synonyms:

     independence, self-government, self-determination, self-rule, home rule, sovereignty, nonalignment, autonomy; democracy "revolution was the only path to freedom"

   • the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

     "the shark thrashed its way to freedom"

     
     
     

     The synonyms given for the term freedom are liberation, Liberty, deliverance. We have been delivered. But let's take it a step further. What is it in life that has you imprisoned? Held captive? Is it finances? Relationships? Addiction? Spiritual turmoil? The list goes on. For me this time last year I was held prisoner by my circumstances. I let them take over me and control my mind for so long. It's easy to fall into the trap of imprisonment of life and chaos when we are attempting to walk alone. We let the weight of the world sink into us. We become victims of our own choices and decisions. We feel like slaves to our jobs, households, marriage or children. But it doesn't have to be this way.  Today we celebrate freedom. Most think of the 4th of July as one big party or fireworks. But for some of us freedom is defined as a personal victory. It's defeating the odds. It's defeating cancer. It's overcoming grief of a loved one. It's defeating the need to please and to be comfortable in our own skin. It's celebrating freedom from depression or anxiety that had us gripped by the neck. We all share something in common. We chose to overcome.  My devotion this morning spoke of not letting our battles become who we are. "The truth is, we get to choose whether or not we will remain a victim. We can’t change what happened to us yesterday but we can decide where we will go from here." "We can either continue to focus on the obstacles and find excuses that will keep us stuck in the conditions and mindsets that perpetuate our sense of victimhood, or we can stand up, take responsibility for what is ours, and walk towards freedom and healing." Words spoken so true! She goes on to give the example of the paralyzed man for 38 years that for years kept throwing every excuse for his problems.

     When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” How many of us are just like this man? We feel captive by our emotions and situations but really what we need is for Jesus to tell us to GET UP! Get up and move!  We do not have to be held captive! We can be free. Free to worship. Free to praise and free to live the life God intended us to live!  Today celebrate your freedom through Jesus! Not only celebrate the country's declaration from independence but celebrate your freedom through Jesus Christ! Break free from the chains that are holding you down! No more putting on your happy face but put own your armor everyday to defeat the battles of life. Wherever you are today you may be happy, sad or mad. But choose your definition of freedom. Let it ring! Listen to Martina Mcbrides song Independence Day. Let it be your soundtrack for the day! Celebrate life. Celebrate YOU! You are worthy friend!

     ‭ ‭ John‬ ‭5:6-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When you change your mind, you will change your life.

 

I read a blog a few minutes ago about a post of God giving you more than you can handle. So many of us, myself included tend to use that phrase "God will never give us more than we can handle." It's thrown around during trials and struggles and we just shove it down people's heads like we have nothing else to say. I guess because it just sounds good and we don't know what else to say. 

I ate these words over the past few years. I learned that God will give us or allow us to be given more than we can handle. More than we can stand or bear. There will come a time in your life when you are dealt a nasty deck of cards. Your struggle may not be the same as your friends or co workers. It may not feel the same as another time of struggle. But it will come. We are human. Life sucks sometimes. The older we get in life the more we will see many things and see our loved ones hurt. 

Death of a loved one. 

Addiction. 

Eating disorders. 

Car wrecks. 

Natural disasters. 

Divorce. 

Sick kids. 

Sick parents. 

Being falsely accused of a crime. (Based on my personal experience!) 

The list goes on. The pain cuts deep and the struggle is real. 

Yes bad things happen. This is only a minut example of them. This has been you or may be you one day dealing with a certain situation. The problem in today's world is how we react to hard times. Most of the time it's easy to just give up and give in. Giving in to those feelings of poor me. I've been through so much in this lifetime. We become focused on the negative in life and can't see past it when something positive happens. What we feed our mind will change our heart. It runs our lives. If you feed on the negative you will be in a constant state of depression. Depression is a real thing y'all! It can be a side effect of hormones, your circumstance or a chemical imbalance in your brain. But it's real. It's given life when you allow what's going on to have power over you. When you are clinging to your own energy and self instead of clinging to the cross. 

Hundreds of thousands of Christians battle with depression everyday. I myself have fought depression my whole life. But here recently after taking back over my life and mind I've come to realize that depression lies deep within us and can beat us up only if we allow it too. Only if we are fighting the battle by ourselves. 

When we let go and let God life appears to us in a different manner. We can breathe again, sleep again and enjoy life again. Another saying we here all the time. What is it like to truly let go? That's another topic for a different day. But no seriously.. If we learn, teach ourselves to truly trust in the Lord life is much more peaceful. It is a daily taught lesson to learn to do. You won't get it overnight! Took me 3 years to really learn how to trust God. 

I battled this for the past 3 years as I was fighting a battle that I could never see the end coming. I never knew what life was going to bring me and lived in a degree of uncertainty. It was not a way to live. But it was reality during that time. 

People would tell me God won't leave me or give me more than I could handle. But I found this to be inaccurate. I was given more than I could imagine in a lifetime. I was dealt a crappy deck of cards. But it only was a season of life. I learned so much about myself and about my faith during the past couple of years. I learned to change my way of thinking and that if we wake up with a positive attitude regardless that life will be much calmer. 

We control our thoughts. We control the way we think. Our mind is a powerful tool. Did you know that you can decide how you are going to think that day? Try it. Wake up and no matter how groggy, how tired you are tell yourself today is going to me AWESOME! This can affect your life forever. 

Today no matter your circumstance know that God loves you and He is the ONLY one that will and can bring you through it. You are a child of the Lord and he will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Today change your mind to love yourself again. Today appreciate your struggle bc through it God will get the glory. He will get the glory bc you trusted in Him during  the hard times. You will love yourself more if you are your own personal cheerleader! 

Let go and let God! Never say God won't give us more than we can handle bc in the end He will and hearing that is by far the most non comforting sentence you can say to someone. Just saying. 

Have a blessed day. 

 

My Story. The verdict. Gods Mercy revealed. Part 3

3am Restless. Can't sleep. It's been a long week. I'm 35 1/2 weeks pregnant and this week has not been a normal week for this pregnant mama. Every minute passing is torture. Sheer question. Doubt. Fear... Of the unknown. My life right now was an open book. But the pages were about to turn.. 

February 19, 2016 

8am No ordinary morning. The house is chill. Mood is ominous. I get dressed. Put on makeup to hide the exhaustion and fear in my eyes. Everyone has said this week I've been so strong. So courageous. They don't see me on the inside. Gripped by fear and grasping peace at the same time. Who and what have I become? 

8:15 I get a text from my attorney asking me to meet him early that morning. Running late but I'll be there in 30 minutes. I wish I had known to go there earlier than planned. 

8:45 We arrive at the courthouse. This is no ordinary place. This is the place where my life is in the hands of the world. Until I'm reminded by my mother in law that no child.. Your life is in the arms of the Lord. 

Shuttering with a chill I walk into the courtroom. I've accepted the fact that today is the day. The day my voice will be heard. Today I will Speak! It wasn't until some 5 minutes later that I was informed I would not be testifying that morning. This came as a surprise. Don't they need to hear my side. I need to prove my innocence. What If the jury thinks I'm guilty bc I don't speak. 

So many thoughts fill my head. But this was best decided by my attorney and He was in control of this case. 

The conference room was stuffy. Filled with the smell of coffee. It was me, my attorney, Dr Stogner and Wesley Medical Centers attorney in that room that morning. We continued to talk right until the judge walked in. 

9am.. My mind has shut down.. Everything from these past couple days have completely worn me down emotionally. I sit here. Pregnant. Huge. Expecting two.. Not one precious lives. Why me Lord.? Why? I look across the room.. It's quiet. 

And there they sit.. 12 strangers. 12 people I've never seen before. 12 lives with opinions, hearts, minds and souls. Who are they? Why were they chosen. Yep. They are the chosen few. To sit in on my case.. Their faces blank. I can't see emotion. They listen intently and do not budge. Back n forth we go. 

I dunno the time by now but when Dr Stogner took the stand for me that morning there was a feeling of peace rush over me. This dr who I had worked for years ago, who doesn't remember me, came to speak and testify on my behalf for free. FREE! He didn't charge us some 20k later for a response we wanted to hear. He spoke the truth that morning. He explained facts. He was incredible! I'll be forever thankful for that man sitting in the stand that morning for me. 

1230.. I think. My brain is fried by now.. Closing arguments have come and gone. Such cruel words spoken against me. The attorney generals office and lawyers are fierce and hungry ready to seek and devour like a lion. They are evil demons seeking to destroy me at whatever cost. 3 years we have waited for this week to come. They have nothing but words. Words spoken against me. Nothing concrete. Nothing hardcore. Nothing in stone. Just words. But these words have forever changed my life. 

After closing arguments we broke for lunch and then after that the jury would be presented with some rules.. Rules of making a decision. A decision that they were to agree upon. I force myself to eat bc I feel sick. My blood sugar had dropped and between that and my nerves I felt weak. I must take care of these babies I kept telling myself. Praying every second of the way. I finally broke down.. I was alone. Room felt dark. The crazy thoughts invoked my mind. What if I'm guilty? What if I'm guilty? Lord what if they find me guilty? My mother in law and husband found me trembling in the conference room. They gripped me and held on tight. I cried and cried hard. The what ifs just clouded my mind that very moment. What if???? Mercy Jesus I plead for your grace right now. 

Back in the courtroom my heart is racing. Fear. Doubt. Worry. I'm stricken by them all. Can I just run away? I need to breathe by this point. Rules were given to the jury. Final thoughts given by the judge. I'm not quite sure what else went on those few hours to come. All I know is that at 3pm 12 strangers went into a private room to talk about me. 

The most heart wrenching, grueling few hours. I visited with my family and friends that had come to support me. Wanna find out who your true friends are? Wanna find out who has your back in times of trouble? Be accused of a crime. Be accused of MURDER! Because people will RUN!!!! They are scared of sufferings, hard times. The people you think will be there for you are the ones that are the most distant to non existent. But that's a whole other topic. 

I tried to hold it together. Every second. Every minute was one minute closer to the Verdict. The answer. The words that would either make or break the rest of my life. 

And then.. The knock.. They are DONE. Omg! It's 5pm. Chills rolling down my spine! I glare at my husband! I cling to my chair. This is it. Lord please I beg you. 

The judge had the jury lasy speak and say they had unanimously came to a decision. Could this be good? Could it be bad? I just have no idea. But here it comes. 

The circuit clerk Martin took the paper. This guy I played with as a child on the playground. I grew up with him and now my life was literally in his hands. Literally there are either one or two words on that piece of paper. My heart is racing. I can't think straight. I may pass out. I pray continuously.. 

He read "Not Guilty". I gasped in relief. Hands in my face I cried. I sat there in a daze. I could here my family and people in the room crying with joy but I could not move. Those two words.. That's it? Just those words is all we came here for? I'm free. Lord I'm free! I stand up and give my attorney the biggest hug of thank you! I can't believe it's over. 3 years of hell and torment over my head was finally over. NOT GUILTY! I played it over and over in my mind. God you have shown up and shown out! Thank you Lord for loving me. Your plan is the master plan and I'm sorry for not trusting you more. So many thoughts running through my mind. 

Of course the media is here. The local paper interviewed my attorney while I hugged my family and friends. When out of no where the patients sister came over to me and apologized for everything. She insisted on telling me she never thought I did anything wrong to her brother. She hugged me and said it was just a bad deck of cards I was dealt and the AG were just doing their job. She apologized a few more times and told me how much she appreciated all I did to help try to save her brothers life. I told her how much that meant coming from her after all this time. I stand amazed. 

Then 10 minutes later from that very moment.. It's like nothing had ever happened.. Here we were headed to pick up our son from my nanas and head home. For the first time in 3 years I could go home in peace. It was a weird feeling I'm not gonna lie. Took 4-5 days to quit having nightmares and restless nights but I finally was able to get some sleep. 

Our phones lit up with calls and texts.. Not guilty I wrote. Over and over. Apparently it's hit the media I told my hubby because everyone knows already. That's ok I said bc Justice prevailed today and Gods mercy filled that courtroom! Here's to freedom. You never know how much to appreciate your freedom until it's threatened to be taken away. Live each day as if it's your last. Let my life light up your hard times. 

For we Serve a mighty Savior and for that He Lives! 

NOT GUILTY. Still so surreal! I thank the Lord everyday for my life he's given me back! Don't look back on yesterday. Push through to tomorrow! Love in the present!

This picture is hard to look at but they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

 

 

 

 

My Story. Picking up the pieces.

I sit here this morning reflecting.. 3 years ago I lost my hope, my happiness and was robbed of my joy. I felt alone and abandoned. BUT I never gave up! Never stopped praying! Never stopped holding onto the hope I had left! I fell into a deep dark depression. I lost myself. I lost the joy of what interested me. I questioned my life, my purpose. I questioned my circumstances. Why me I begged God? What have I done so bad to endure so many tragedies and losses in my life. I felt like Job from the bible in so many ways. Robbed of so much! Lost everything I had worked so hard to achieve. In one blink of an eye! Two people.. Fellow coworkers would forever change my life. 3 years of sleepless nights. Begging God for mercy. Feeling like a failure as a wife and mother. I lost who I was. Everyone around me thought I was so strong! They saw me muster up energy to smile. They saw my positive post on social media. No one saw behind the walls. Only a select few people know how I really was. They stuck by my side. They loved me in my darkness. 

July 15th I found out I was pregnant again. We were excited, nervous and a ball of emotions. I felt in my heart this was Gods way of giving me peace and taking me by the hand saying "child you are mine and I will protect you". A few weeks later we found out we were having TWINS! It was that day I knew God was going to take care of me. He was going to keep his promises. 

I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in miracles And Gods plAns. So here you go. My due date for a normal pregnancy was March 19 2016. But this was a twin pregnancy. Most women deliver early around 35-36 weeks. This would put me delivering early around the second week of February. I say this all to explain this. My trial date was scheduled for February 16th. I would be 35 weeks pregnant that week of court. My dr just knew the stress of everything I was going through would lead to complications. The week of my trial I was living a healthy not complicated pregnancy. The middle of the week at my dr appt I was not dilated and having mild contractions. I was handling it better than anyone imagined. 

FEBRUARY 19th. After 4 days of intense stress at 5:05 pm a NOT GUILTY verdict was given to ME! Gods child. He had protected me. He carried me. He held me up. My life was free. Freedom was given back to me. Just two words again forever changed my life. Two words that I'll never forget! Engraved in my heart and mind. It was like a dream. But it was real! I rejoiced and held my belly praising Jesus. 

3 weeks later at 38 weeks and 3 days. I was full term with my twin girls. Stop no complications. A healthy pregnancy. Delivered my miracle babies healthy on March 7th. 

I say this all to just get it out of my head and process it all but to show you how God showed his grace. My pregnancy was no accident. A TWIN pregnancy was no accident! The timing of it and my trial was no ACCIDENT! For 3 years of restless nights and an unsure future I can finally Sleep again! My JOY has been restored! DEPRESSION has been lifted! Peace has been renewed! I'm happy again! I enjoy life! Things are not chaotic. Life has been renewed! Gods grace has taught me that through all of our trials, our losses, our sufferings that he is FAITHFUL! He never leaves our side! He has the master plan! He has the blue prints of our lives! We must choose to believe and have faith! NO ONE can rob you of that!! 

This is only a mere part of my story and I hope it draws you closer to God. It's just a mere reflection of being broken then put back together again! For that I'm forever thankful!

Accepting the past and moving forward.

So glad to serve a gracious and merciful Heavenly Father. He forgives me for my faults and loves on me daily. I'm learning to truly love and trust him deeper than ever. It's really true what they say about your relationship with your dad growing up can affect how you love and accept your Father in heaven. Not having much of a dad growing up at all it's been hard to look to God as my father but each day I learn and accept more of him to guide and lead me. I pray that he softens my heart and helps me learn to love him more as my father, my dad and most of all my father in Heaven. We have to look past our past sometimes because it can hinder our relationship with the Lord. But if we accept our past we can move on by his grace and mercy and his abounding love with fall on our lives. ❤️ #faith #father #God #trust #mercy #grace #love #Friday #freedom #powerful #thoughts

My journey with the Advocare Herbal cleanse.

I admit I've been in a huge funk over the past month and boy am I glad that's over! God is so good and faithful it's like one day I snapped back into! So much to share that has gone on but right now I'm just focusing on being healthy and getting my body back feeling good. God wants us to love ourselves and take care of us because if we don't take care of ourselves we are no good to our family, husband, friends or work! We are just ruined if we let our diet go down the drain and stop moving intentionally. You will hear that word a lot! Intentional! What are you intentional about?? 

Today I am sharing with you my experience of the Advocare Herbal cleanse and what it's like to be intentional. No this is not my first cleanse I have been doing Advocare for 2 years now but this is my first time into a look in my life and sharing my passion and love. I want you to have an in look into what it takes to commit to doing this cleanse or the 24 day challenge. 

First thing is food prep is key because if you fail to plan you plan to fail and it's true! I grill chicken breasts, boil eggs, make protein balls, cool crockpot chicken to use for meals during the week and have lots of frozen and canned veggies to use for recipes! This cleanse I've been on a tighter budget with groceries so I'm learning to be more wise planning my menu for the week. No eating out! It's not an option! So prepare food! Protein in bulk and have lots of snacks for small meals. Think 5 small meals per day instead of snacks! It's what I have to train myself to do! 

Here's a picture of what I'll be doing the next few days! 

So heres what my day looked like! 

First thing I did before the gym at 5am is weighed and measured! Then to the gym for a sweat session with weight training. I'm focusing more on weights right now than cardio. I'm aiming at lower impact workouts until I can get my energy levels back up and this body feeling better. Dr orders! 

Came home and mixed my mango strawberry spark and unflavored  fiber drink and chugged it down! Followed by 2 probiotics which are good bacteria for your digestive system and 2 omega plex which are good fats to flush out the bad fats! Omegas are good for every system in your body! They help your skin, nails get stronger and hair gets healthier and longer. This was around 7am! 

Around 30 minutes later I mixed my shake and FELL IN LOVE! I am drinking the new lemon ice cake shake and it's DELICIOUS! I don't chug it so I can savor every gulp! :) These shakes have 24 grams of carbs and 24 grams of protein in them so they are balanced to keep you fuel and rev up your metabolism! They taste sooooo good! I'm just not a breakfast person so shakes are great for

Me! 

So that was my morning routine! 

I cleaned a house that morning and had a quest protein bar for a snack around 1030! This is a minimally processed delicious way to get my protein in while on the go! 

Around 1pm I got home and had lunch. I ate a chicken breast, boiled egg and hummus! It was yummy! 

Followed by my 2nd liter of water and 2 more omegas! Fueled and ready to go! Having another house to clean I drank another scoop of spark and went on my way! Energy for hours! Feeling really good! 

Around 3pm I ate a handful of almonds and drank more water! Be intentional! Eat every few hours and drink lots of water! 

For dinner we ate before church at 530 and I had left over turkey spaghetti with whole wheat pasta. Not much pasta more meat sauce than anything and it's better to use spaghetti squash or zuchinni noodles as other options! I had a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and 2 more omegaplex! 

Finishing up my 3rd liter of water I was actually hungry before bed so I grabbed a protein ball and a banana and enjoyed those! 

Today was a good day! I'm still logging my food on my fitness pal but Advocare has a great 24 day challenge app to guide you along your day! 

Saw this quote and loved it! Why not you? Why not me? Why not learn to love yourself and learn to love life?? Here's to a healthier future with consistency around all the borders! I'm going to try to write about each day if not every other day! But today is Day 2 and I'm feeling more motivated than ever! Let's do this! 👊🏻👊🏻 How can you be more intentional today?! 

Humble me Lord. Rescue me.

It's been a few weeks since my last post and that post wasn't most uplifting. I was at my breaking point emotionally and physically and that's where I have been the past few weeks... Broken, tired and exhausted. I'm so ashamed for how I have felt, so down and depressed, not able to enjoy the things good in this life and focused so much on everything that's gone wrong that it's clouded my view of Gods blessings. But we are human and his grace is abounding. Though I may feel weak it's by his Grace that gets me out of bed. He makes me strong so that I can do the daily events to be done. 

As I clean each week I have found myself knee deep In Idolatry.. I never really understood what this meant until now.. I clean all these big houses and long for what they have.. I long for the nice houses, big bathrooms and vacations that are being taken. Some days so consumed by my desires that it puts my mind in such a dark place. I start to question God if I am even worth anything.. I mean I'm 30 years old and we struggle from week to week to make ends meet. Some days I wish I could just vanish bc the pain of life is just too much to bear.. I dwell on the past.. I've asked for forgiveness for my past sins but Satan just keeps throwing them in my face and torments me and my thoughts.. I pray daily for a victory! I pray continuously.. But I find myself doubting.. Wondering if I am worthy of the Lords forgiveness.. 

Oh what a mess I am. A selfish mess. I look around me being so caught up in me me me and forget about others around me. God has not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7

I know this post is just a hot mess but it's just a direct reflection of what happens when we let Satan win and control our thoughts and when we give in to negative thoughts and selfishness. But today is a glorious day! Today I've got a victory all thanks to my friend sharing Psalm 25 with me.. She asked me how I was doing and I was just honest last night.. No I'm not fine.. I'm in a dark place and fighting some serious battles. A spiritual battle.. So I share with you this scripture in hopes that you find victory in Jesus and find hope amidst your circumstances. 

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles! (Psalm 25:1-22 NIV)

My prayer today. Father I thank you for the blessings you have placed in my life. The blessings I cannot always see and those that I take for granted. Lord I pray that you will help me recognize your presence in my life and gain wisdom from your word. Lord I turn to you and seek only You today. Forgive me of my faults and failures. Help me to see beyond the past and have hope in the future. I pray that you will protect my family and help me be a shining light to those in darkness. Thank you for all you have done in my heart and all that you are going to do in Jesus name Amen! 

Wise Wednesday's

Sometimes if we listen to those negative voices in the back of our mind we start to believe them.. One day and you wake up wondering what happened and then you realized the power lies within yourself! Wake up and be determined to have a good attitude. Love others. Love God. Pray daily. Seek Him. Humble yourself. And slowly things will return to normal.. Just believe that we were created to not just go through the motions of life but to live each day serving others and living each day like there is no tomorrow. Be courageous. Be bold. Have faith. You are not alone. You deserve to be happy and love the life you have been given. Want things to change? You must first change from within.. It changes your perspective! Happy Wednesday! #wisewednesday #wisdom #trust #determination #motivation #life #faith #love #attitude #emotions #freedom #Jesus #prayer 

Follow me on Instagram @sunsetgrace 

Have a blessed day!

Be a shining light. Accepting your circumstances.

Regardless of whatever happens in my life just knowing that God can be seen and an evident part of my life is my purpose. I've grown to accept that things are far beyond my control but they are in full control by my God. My God that is a all powerful and knowing at all times. He created this beautiful world we live in and sometimes it may take us falling flat on our faces to learn to really seek and trust him with all of our heart. I thank him for all the trials and circumstances I've encountered in my life.. Without them I wouldn't know Him, I would need him in my life to lift me up out of the pit of darkness! Knowing that he's saved me for eternity and my life is in his hands I'll Be still my soul and just seek him daily and trust him to teach me to build wisdom, endurance, strength, joy and love in my heart. Just to name a few. In John 17 he prays for his people and this gives us Christians the confidence that we need to go from day to day. The world may not know Him but if my life can show Jesus in anyway to others I accept and trust it will give all the glory to the Lord in the end. “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:20-26 NIV) #trust #Jesus #faithfulness 

Childlike Faith

This week has been a definite eye opener for me.. I haven't helped with VBS since I was in high school and it's been such a blessing in my life this week. It's brought back that childlike faith that I tend to forget about. We have 3 girls wanting to know more about the Lord and I pray that God leads them straight to him. To be such young ages and in 5th grade there minds are so curious and just hungry for more of what God has to offer them. Studying the book of Daniel we are remembering and learning that Daniel made decisions to be different and that he wanted to Glorify God in all that he did and by doing so the Lord protected him and his friends from a fire pit and Lions den.. How awesome is our God that when we trust him fully that he will be our strength and shield during the good times and the hard times. How amazing that it only takes one Seed of Faith to Trust him and follow him. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says For we walk by faith not by sight. These young girls are learning that it takes trusting in what they cannot see and fully giving there own trust to a much higher power. I never went to bible school as a kid and surely wish I had had the opportunity because what a difference one week can do for us focusing souly on God to set us up for success in securing our relationship with Him. Praying that He will continue working in there hearts and give us the strength and words to give them during this week. What a blessing it's been to share the Word of God with these girls! We have had a great Leader too. Looking forward to the next two days. I think it's helped me grow just as well. Simply amazing! 🙏🏻😊❤️ #Jesus #learning #childlikefaith #faith #trust #God #salvation 

In Jesus Name, 

Oh how long to be that Proverbs 31 woman

Today marks the end of my proverbs study for the month and of course it ends with Proverbs 31. Next time I do this I'm going to write each day a scripture and what I learn from it on here the way I did on my notepad! I didn't even think to do so until now. It's been a week or so since my last post which isn't usual but I like writing when I feel the urge in my heart to say something. So today is that day. 

How many of us have heard about the Proverbs 31 woman? Many have connects with the online ministry Lysa Terkyurst has and follow her and her books. But no seriously have you really studied and focused on what it's like to be a proverbs 31 woman? She sounds pretty amazing to me. She sounds perfect just like God. Why is that? 

I think she's made to seem like God is because she is created in his image and He has given us God Given abilities to live a fulfilled life. This is just simply a template for how that life should look like. 

For those that haven't read Proverbs 31 here is the scripture. Read it and see what stands out to you the most and what area stands out and needs the most work to be more like God and live this life He created you for. 

"The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him. Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb! Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers! Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings. It is not for kings, Lemuel— it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights. Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish! Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:1-31 NIV)

The scripture that stands out to me I right now is pretty popular but it touches my heart. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 31:25

To me this means that regardless of the trials and obstacles that occur in life that she will always fix her eyes on the Lord for guidance and that her strength will come from Him. In my bible it states that strength doesn't come from her achievements but by her reverence of God. This chapter has so many pieces to it and can make you feel inadequate but if we fix our eyes on what God is doing in our life and where he has helped us the most we can not be burdened by the what ifs in life and more so look forward to how God is slowly molding us into our own Proverbs 31 woman. 

Remain faithful and practice reading and learning more about how Yoi and I can become a noble character in Gods image! 

The gift of helping others.

Almost two years ago I was introduced to Advocare and not only has it helped me get my health back and fight eating disorders but it's allowed me an opportunity to help others. It's been such a blessing in my life during some dark times especially after resigning from my career as a nurse. Today is a milestone for one of my friends and I just have to share this post I shared on fb! 

This is just one example of why I do what I do.. This is my good friend Robin who came to me almost a year ago wanting to do the 24 day challenge. She had a 4 year old and 4 month old little girl and was working long hours as a nurse.. She was tired and fed up and wanted a change. Fast forward to where she is today is simply incredible! She has gone from a size 14 to a size 6 and has officially lost 65 POUNDS!!!!!  She's literally half the size she use to be. And the best part is she's grown to love herself and enjoy life in a way she never knew existed. Because of her yes we have grown into great friends and I have enjoyed seeing her journey this past year. I'm so proud of you girl! You deserve that cruise. Here's to many more years of reaching all your goals! 😊👊🏻 #goalcrusher

Just a simply incredible journey and so thankful God has placed this in my life to help me turn the negative into positive. You can do it too! Just one yes can change your life. It has ours.