As I clean each week I have found myself knee deep In Idolatry.. I never really understood what this meant until now.. I clean all these big houses and long for what they have.. I long for the nice houses, big bathrooms and vacations that are being taken. Some days so consumed by my desires that it puts my mind in such a dark place. I start to question God if I am even worth anything.. I mean I'm 30 years old and we struggle from week to week to make ends meet. Some days I wish I could just vanish bc the pain of life is just too much to bear.. I dwell on the past.. I've asked for forgiveness for my past sins but Satan just keeps throwing them in my face and torments me and my thoughts.. I pray daily for a victory! I pray continuously.. But I find myself doubting.. Wondering if I am worthy of the Lords forgiveness..
Oh what a mess I am. A selfish mess. I look around me being so caught up in me me me and forget about others around me. God has not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7
I know this post is just a hot mess but it's just a direct reflection of what happens when we let Satan win and control our thoughts and when we give in to negative thoughts and selfishness. But today is a glorious day! Today I've got a victory all thanks to my friend sharing Psalm 25 with me.. She asked me how I was doing and I was just honest last night.. No I'm not fine.. I'm in a dark place and fighting some serious battles. A spiritual battle.. So I share with you this scripture in hopes that you find victory in Jesus and find hope amidst your circumstances.
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles! (Psalm 25:1-22 NIV)
My prayer today. Father I thank you for the blessings you have placed in my life. The blessings I cannot always see and those that I take for granted. Lord I pray that you will help me recognize your presence in my life and gain wisdom from your word. Lord I turn to you and seek only You today. Forgive me of my faults and failures. Help me to see beyond the past and have hope in the future. I pray that you will protect my family and help me be a shining light to those in darkness. Thank you for all you have done in my heart and all that you are going to do in Jesus name Amen!
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