Humble me Lord. Rescue me.

It's been a few weeks since my last post and that post wasn't most uplifting. I was at my breaking point emotionally and physically and that's where I have been the past few weeks... Broken, tired and exhausted. I'm so ashamed for how I have felt, so down and depressed, not able to enjoy the things good in this life and focused so much on everything that's gone wrong that it's clouded my view of Gods blessings. But we are human and his grace is abounding. Though I may feel weak it's by his Grace that gets me out of bed. He makes me strong so that I can do the daily events to be done. 

As I clean each week I have found myself knee deep In Idolatry.. I never really understood what this meant until now.. I clean all these big houses and long for what they have.. I long for the nice houses, big bathrooms and vacations that are being taken. Some days so consumed by my desires that it puts my mind in such a dark place. I start to question God if I am even worth anything.. I mean I'm 30 years old and we struggle from week to week to make ends meet. Some days I wish I could just vanish bc the pain of life is just too much to bear.. I dwell on the past.. I've asked for forgiveness for my past sins but Satan just keeps throwing them in my face and torments me and my thoughts.. I pray daily for a victory! I pray continuously.. But I find myself doubting.. Wondering if I am worthy of the Lords forgiveness.. 

Oh what a mess I am. A selfish mess. I look around me being so caught up in me me me and forget about others around me. God has not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7

I know this post is just a hot mess but it's just a direct reflection of what happens when we let Satan win and control our thoughts and when we give in to negative thoughts and selfishness. But today is a glorious day! Today I've got a victory all thanks to my friend sharing Psalm 25 with me.. She asked me how I was doing and I was just honest last night.. No I'm not fine.. I'm in a dark place and fighting some serious battles. A spiritual battle.. So I share with you this scripture in hopes that you find victory in Jesus and find hope amidst your circumstances. 

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles! (Psalm 25:1-22 NIV)

My prayer today. Father I thank you for the blessings you have placed in my life. The blessings I cannot always see and those that I take for granted. Lord I pray that you will help me recognize your presence in my life and gain wisdom from your word. Lord I turn to you and seek only You today. Forgive me of my faults and failures. Help me to see beyond the past and have hope in the future. I pray that you will protect my family and help me be a shining light to those in darkness. Thank you for all you have done in my heart and all that you are going to do in Jesus name Amen! 

A Healthy Hot mess. Thrive Blog post for may

We all hear stories and some of us have even experienced the part of life and being a mother where we let go of ourselves and get so overwhelmed that everyone else is dressed nice, house is clean, laundry done but you glance in the mirror and WHOA... Can I climb back in bed already?! I mean look at me!! I'm just a simple hot mess right here. Is this you? Because I'm guilty for sure. Way too many times.

But God tells us to be productive, not busy. He wants us to be fruitful not running in circles all the time and just letting ourselves go. I read an article a little while back that talked about how perceiving being healthy because God wants us to be healthy and vibrant. It explained some very personal things dealing with self image, weight gain and the stress of our own image. It was then that my perception of being a mom changed. I wanted to be healthy for Him and to have my actions glorify Him not for my own personal gain but to know that I'm taking care of myself because I have others depending on me. 

I've battled weight my whole life. My life this past year was turned upside down so stress and emotional eating.. Well you see where I'm going. It didn't turn out good. Not with me, how I felt or looked for sure. I have had many pivotal moments over the course of the past year but taking back control of my health and wellness for the sake of my family and my own personal sanity is definitely paying off. For too long I let my circumstances and life's messes just take control and before I knew it I had gained 20 lbs. in 4 months. 4!! I had to make a change. I was not happy and I just couldn't enjoy things the way I use to. I looked a hot mess because I couldn't fit into ANYTHING!!! So in Sept 2014 I joined a boot camp class called VERSUS. Its been my best yes and I am not looking back.

I take 3 days a week for an hour each evening to workout outside with a bootcamp group and its by far the best decision I've made that's had a positive impact on being a better mom and better wife. It relieves stress and has helped me get back into old clothes again. I am down 23 pounds and 2 pant sizes since December. YAY!!!  

I say all this to say that you too can take back control over your life with just some intentional effort! You deserve it! Aside from busy schedules and running around taking care of everyone you should start by taking care of yourself. It makes God happy and end the end if mommy is happy it reflects a happy home because your feeling of self worth and confidence come back! Had I not made the decision to jumpstart my life back to that of a healthy mom I would still be that depressed mom with no energy and excuses for days for not doing the things I once enjoyed.

My name is April Grissom. I am a wife and I have an amazing, blue eyed little boy that is 3 years old. I am a nurse, a housekeeper, a health and wellness coach with Advocare, new to writing and blogging and I have a love and passion for running and working out. My purpose in life is to serve and help others. I live in South Mississippi. I love God with all my heart. The past year may be the hardest in my life but its by far been the best spiritual growth I have ever experienced and I'm now closer to the Lord than ever before. God is so good. Even with life's messes. I have a story to tell and this is just the beginning of my journey.

A long year and a bucket of tears.

It's been some time between my last post on my "situation" but rightfully so. Writing has allowed me to process this all in the right manner but it's stirred up some emotions at the same time. I'm not the person I want to be right now but I'm definitely not that same woman on that Monday afternoon either. 

The past year has been the hardest in my life. I'm finally at a place of somewhat peace because I know my Heavenly Father has already fought my battle and the debt has been paid. This Easter means far more to me than the other 29 years of my life. It's like I finally just get it! I was sitting in church Sunday for our Easter service choir time and every song just spoke deep to my heart. My eyes welled up with tears I kept choking back. 

This is it. There really is God and he sent his son to live on this earth for some 33 years and experienced every heart ache and pain that we live in this world today. 

Christ was crucified for me! Me?? Out of this entire world He died so that all my sins would be forgiven and I would be free. How just incredible is that. My favorite stories in the bible come Matthew and John with each description of Jesus's death and ressurection but in Luke it says "Forgive them father for they not know what they do." Soon after Jesus died there in front of so many that loved him and so many that hated him. B

Luckily he did all of that so that as I write you here today I can say that I've prayed the same prayer and that I've forgiven those who have accused me of such horrific acts and those who have snared comments during my public humiliation. If they don't know you then they know not what they have done. That in return I pray for them. I pray for those that have done me wrong, lied about me, been cruel and unkind, mocked me and that have not been supportive. I forgive them all. I forgive them because I have been forgiven. 

Sunday in church was my ah ha moment where I said okay God I understand this now. What a beautiful day it was. All of this taken place in my heart and soul and it just fills my body and mind with joy and peace to hide and overcome the anger, frustration and bitterness that harbors deep within me. This week I reflect on what my Savior did for me and how blessed we are in this chaotic crazy evil world. Tragedy can surround me but it's the "peace that transcends all understanding" that helps my heart Be Still and know that He is God!