Accepting the past and moving forward.

So glad to serve a gracious and merciful Heavenly Father. He forgives me for my faults and loves on me daily. I'm learning to truly love and trust him deeper than ever. It's really true what they say about your relationship with your dad growing up can affect how you love and accept your Father in heaven. Not having much of a dad growing up at all it's been hard to look to God as my father but each day I learn and accept more of him to guide and lead me. I pray that he softens my heart and helps me learn to love him more as my father, my dad and most of all my father in Heaven. We have to look past our past sometimes because it can hinder our relationship with the Lord. But if we accept our past we can move on by his grace and mercy and his abounding love with fall on our lives. ❤️ #faith #father #God #trust #mercy #grace #love #Friday #freedom #powerful #thoughts

Humble me Lord. Rescue me.

It's been a few weeks since my last post and that post wasn't most uplifting. I was at my breaking point emotionally and physically and that's where I have been the past few weeks... Broken, tired and exhausted. I'm so ashamed for how I have felt, so down and depressed, not able to enjoy the things good in this life and focused so much on everything that's gone wrong that it's clouded my view of Gods blessings. But we are human and his grace is abounding. Though I may feel weak it's by his Grace that gets me out of bed. He makes me strong so that I can do the daily events to be done. 

As I clean each week I have found myself knee deep In Idolatry.. I never really understood what this meant until now.. I clean all these big houses and long for what they have.. I long for the nice houses, big bathrooms and vacations that are being taken. Some days so consumed by my desires that it puts my mind in such a dark place. I start to question God if I am even worth anything.. I mean I'm 30 years old and we struggle from week to week to make ends meet. Some days I wish I could just vanish bc the pain of life is just too much to bear.. I dwell on the past.. I've asked for forgiveness for my past sins but Satan just keeps throwing them in my face and torments me and my thoughts.. I pray daily for a victory! I pray continuously.. But I find myself doubting.. Wondering if I am worthy of the Lords forgiveness.. 

Oh what a mess I am. A selfish mess. I look around me being so caught up in me me me and forget about others around me. God has not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7

I know this post is just a hot mess but it's just a direct reflection of what happens when we let Satan win and control our thoughts and when we give in to negative thoughts and selfishness. But today is a glorious day! Today I've got a victory all thanks to my friend sharing Psalm 25 with me.. She asked me how I was doing and I was just honest last night.. No I'm not fine.. I'm in a dark place and fighting some serious battles. A spiritual battle.. So I share with you this scripture in hopes that you find victory in Jesus and find hope amidst your circumstances. 

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. Who, then, are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles! (Psalm 25:1-22 NIV)

My prayer today. Father I thank you for the blessings you have placed in my life. The blessings I cannot always see and those that I take for granted. Lord I pray that you will help me recognize your presence in my life and gain wisdom from your word. Lord I turn to you and seek only You today. Forgive me of my faults and failures. Help me to see beyond the past and have hope in the future. I pray that you will protect my family and help me be a shining light to those in darkness. Thank you for all you have done in my heart and all that you are going to do in Jesus name Amen! 

Standing on His promises. Fear not.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:10-13 NIV)"

These scriptures can not scream to me loud enough. Through everything and everywhere I cling to the promise to Fear Not! It's so very hard to just push forward and move on with life when you literally have life crippling, heart wrenching circumstances. So when fear, worry and doubt creep into my head I have to immediately Rebuke them in the name of Jesus. This may sound silly to someone who is not familiar with His Word or who is new to Christisn faith. But as a growing, maturing Child of God it's a crucial action that must be taken daily. 

We can read the bible and do devotions everyday. This is a wonderful thing. But how you apply these words and devotions is what matters. It's not a one time thing and it takes being intentional. 

Fear can cripple us and make us I'll. it can determine our mood and attitude. When fear faces you you have two options!

1 give in to the fear. Let it consume you and control your actions. This is when it becomes sin. Or; 

2. You can rebuke it and turn to this scripture. .." Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am a your God." 

Option two is my choice and everyday I'm faced with fear and choose turn my eyes off of myself and fix my eyes on Jesus above. 

No problem is too big for God. No problem is too small. God has already fought your battle for you he's just waiting on us to trust him. I'm not expert on the bible or on faith. But I do know yhat in living Proof of what God can do in your heart and life through trials and circumstances. 

I write these post and blogs to hopefully inspire and encourage anyone going through a hard time no matter what it is. I don't intend to be a professional writer by any means. Thank you all for taking time to listen to me ramble. I write when my heart calls me to write. 

I'm a woman that's chasing after Gods heart while trying to search and find my own most days! 

Have a blessed day and live your day filled with courage and encouragement. 

There is Victory in Jesus. Part 1

I sit here this morning reading my bible and drinking my coffee to just allow God to search my heart and soul. Lord know that I'm far from perfect and have made so many mistakes in my lifetime. For so long I use to say one day I'll get my life together and do things right. So many years have slipped between my finger tips. Not so much regrets but so many what ifs??

I learned this weekend at marriage conference that we can no longer allow our past to dictate our futures. I hold true to this statement and declare a victory in my life. 

Reading the book of Ephesians this morning Paul speaks with such mercy and grace while being imprisoned. Who would have thought that a man that persecuted Christians would turn out to be such a man of God and to me one of the greatest writers in the Bible. It shows me that regardless of how things turn out in life that no matter the situation nor circumstance that the Lord will use all things to work for his good according to its purpose. 

I know that today in this court room that God will have his hand upon me and my family. I pray to him that his will be Glorified and that his power be made known. These days never get easier. My heart races. My thoughts crowd my mind. My body trembles. But somewhere in the midst of it all a peace fills my body and it's like the Lord says child I'm here with you. 

Psalm 46:10 says Be still and know that I am God. It's quoted so much in the world today but until you truly understand what being still means you just can't comprehend the power in our Jesus. He's merciful and gracious. He's sitting at the right hand of God on the thrown And already knows the outcome. He's waiting for us to fully trust him. 

This morning 1peter 3:7-9 course through my mind and heart and it's these verses I cling to for hope and grace. 

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:6-9 NIV)"

Though I have not seen, I know In my heart. I pray that later today I can write to you about my victory in Jesus and show you truly the power of prayer. 

The nightmare of losing my mom.

I miss my mama.

14 years ago on the morning of Sept 24th I lost my mama. She died in my arms and had I known that was the last time to hold on to her I would have never let go. The visions of that morning never get easier. It stays in the back of my head. This year is harder than most bc my heart is already aching. The memories of that morning vivid as ever. I was 15 years old and my mom collapsed in my arms. I was alone with my 2 little brothers. I called 911 and started CPR. I had no idea what I was doing but I did what I had seen in movies to help others live. I tried to save my mamas life. I fought as hard as I knew and told the lady on the phone what I was doing until the paramedics got their. I’ll never forget thinking she’s just asleep and she will wake up as they carried her out on a stretcher with something strange in her mouth. They handed me her jewelry and I won’t ever forget that smell. Loaded up on the ambulance I’m praying that I’ll see my mama when I get to the hospital. My bday the time had a truck and we rushed behind the ambulance as u called my nana and told them what happened. 11:07am I believe it was that the shrill of my nAna in the ER on the floor on her knees saying “no God not my baby”. I feel like part of me was lost that day. Was I in a bad dream? My mama is suppose to be here until the end of time. God why is this happening to me? I need my mama. Thoughts of a 15 year old girl that day. 14 years later the images appear just as vivid than ever. I know God took my mama home to save her from pain and heartache and he saved our lives. Life was hard growing up. But he paved a new direction for us after she passed away. I miss her so much. Her laughs and jokes and importantly her hugs and love. Never take the ones you love for granted and never take your life for granted. The trials in my life are not even close to the trial that our Savior Jesus Christ sufferered and died for us on the Cross. Every trial there is a blessing. “And that’s not all. We are full of joy even when we suffer. We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on. The strength to go on produces character. Character produces hope.” Romans 5:3-4